9 comments on “Love and the Myth of Entitlement: Loving Me Doesn’t Mean I Owe You

  1. I myself am annoyed by only one party making all the effort. It takes 2 to have and build a relationship. The “nice guy” party might try a few times, but they give up and move on.
    …Thinking over what I’ve written, and particularly some stories I have planned, I really like playing with this “obligation” and “affection” line, and the misconceptions and misunderstandings that can arise from it.

  2. Yessssss all of this. I could write pages about Sk8er Boi too, that one has always irked me even when friends thought it was cute or sweet. Great post!

  3. Brilliant post!
    What kills me is that we’re bound to keep seeing the lopsided emotional-debt relationship pitched in popular media until such time as we finally get comfortable en masse with the idea of a woman who -never- falls in love (or at least doesn’t show an inkling of it within the context of the story).
    We have loads of examples of male characters who are unattached and happily so, but it seems like a single female character becomes a loose end. Hopefully, once that line is crossed in a big way, the notion of the de facto lover will see a similar decline.
    …At least, we can hope :)

  4. It definitely takes two, yeah. When it happens in a real relationship then I get annoyed at whoever’s making all the effort (male or female), but when it’s someone doing all the work in hopes of winning the other person over — who is then obligated to return it out of duty — I have to wonder, where is their self-respect? Ah well.
    Personally, I would LOVE to see that line played with a lot more, in a self-aware way. *enables*

  5. That song. I have so, so much rage toward that song, but definitely the worst part is the “motherhood as punishment” thing. Way to insult a HUGE group of people for no reason, just because it doesn’t jive with your personal beliefs! Yay! *facepalm*
    (Also, congrats to Avril for mocking someone who didn’t date outside her social circle, by dating ……. within her social circle. Real courageous.)

  6. Oh, heck yes! Please, please, please! I would read the heck out of stories where the woman doesn’t fall in love and is nonetheless happy and fulfilled. You’re absolutely right that men are allowed to be unattached, but for some reason it doesn’t go both ways.
    The women who are allowed to remain alone are usually ones who’ve been ~badly burned~ and it’s acknowledged they’re too broken for another relationship. While that happens, and is a perfectly legitimate way to live, it’s not the be-all and end-all of it. Le sigh.

  7. Yes m’lady it is. Totally shared this post all around and my girls are LOVING it. Also saving it to show to minime when she gets a bit older :D Seriously just loving you and this post right now!

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